Today I took a question from my sister. She wanted to know how her friend can learn to love herself better? She wanted to know if I had any podcast or book suggestions? First, I needed more information. Once I had a better understanding of her friend’s background, my suggestions came quick.
Three Questions to Love Yourself
- How are your boundaries? You might say you don’t have any boundaries. Or maybe you think your boundaries are great. You might not know how to know if your boundaries are good. That’s ok. A pretty simple question: “Do you find yourself often feeling angry in similar situations?” If that’s a yes, you’ve likely got some boundary issues and some work to do. Loving yourself requires boundaries. (Psst… I can help with that.)
2. Are you living authentically? When I was married, I battled with depression. I honestly didn’t know who I was. When the marriage ended and I got to explore Michelle 2.0 what was really evident was that I was not living authentically. I filtered my life for the comfort of the people around me and that didn’t make me very happy. Was that me loving myself? No. To love yourself you must be yourself.
3. Are you regularly asking yourself what you want right now? Maybe a first step is to ask yourself what you NEED right now? Seriously. Start a new habit to stop and ask yourself, “Self, what do you need right now?” and then give yourself that need. Transition into asking what you want when it feels like the right time. It’s funny how we’ve been taught that needs are essential and wants are frivolous. They aren’t frivolous. It’s ok to ask for what we want! Many times we walk through our lives compromising and never even needing to know what we want. We’ve silenced our voice, probably since childhood. To love yourself is to hear yourself.
Recommended Reading to Love Yourself
In the case of my sister’s friend, I learned that her friend likes to be in control of everything. That was the key phrase I picked up on in everything I read. I knew right away that the first stop was to suggest The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. When we are afraid of being imperfect, we are battling shame. Read the book! It’s good. Then… go ahead and keep reading through all of Brene’s books. I did it. It was a good choice. If you’d like the order I read them in, I’m happy to share. Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Next, because I just think everyone should read this book, I want to recommend Untamed by Glennon Doyle. While it’s definitely written for women, there are lessons for everyone in this book. BURN THOSE SOCIAL MEMOS!!!! It’s been my favorite read since COVID halted my life. I started my untaming process 6 years ago and I still needed to read this book. I listened to it on Audible and then bought the hard cover because I wanted to be able to loan it out to my clients.
Learning to love yourself is a process. You are a work in progress.
Interested in working together to learn to love yourself? Let’s connect!
Michelle (she/her), based in the Baltimore area, offers human connection coaching ranging from cuddle therapy to surrogate partner therapy (sexual surrogacy). While Michelle is not a sex therapist, she is a sex geek, experienced in kink/BDSM, polyamory and other relationship structures. Your weird isn’t weird to her. In her world, you’re normal.