FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Please note, Foundations of Human Connection is my hybrid of surrogate partner therapy and cuddle therapy. To be considered surrogate partner therapy, the client and I MUST work in triadic model with the client’s talk therapist. If it’s not in a triadic model, it’s not surrogate partner therapy.

What is Surrogate Partner Therapy (SPT) and is it for me?

Surrogate Partner Therapy is a hands-on supplemental modality to talk therapy, used to model and practice healthy relationship, communication, and intimacy skills. The client, the surrogate partner, and the clinician work together in the triadic model, meaning a clinician is required to be a part of the team. Surrogate Partner Therapy is generally for non-partnered clients with a history that has disrupted their abilities to date and find a partner. While Surrogate Partner Therapy used to commonly be referred to as ‘sex surrogacy’, the industry, or at least myself and my colleagues, have moved away from the term because the work is not about sex. Our work is focused on relationship skill building, which can have a significant impact on one’s sexual experiences. For more on the evolution of surrogate partner therapy, read here.

Are you a therapist?

No. I’m not a therapist, meaning I haven’t gone to school for any sort of talk therapy, nor am I any sort of licensed therapist or counselor. My training is all outside the collegiate system. You can view my training history here. I offer touch therapy, cuddle therapy, and surrogate partner therapy but I don’t call myself a ‘therapist’ because when I think of the term ‘therapist’, I think of a licensed talk therapist which I am not.

What if I don’t have a therapist?

If you are interested in Surrogate Partner Therapy and don’t have a therapist, please contact me. I may have therapists I can refer you to. Surrogate Partner Therapy is only offered inside the triadic model, meaning a therapist is required. If a therapist isn’t available or wanted, I have other options so please still reach out.

If you are a client and you do have a therapist, my preference is to have your therapist reach out to me before you reach out.

I’m a therapist, how do I connect my clients with you?

If you are a therapist and wondering how I’d like you to connect me with your client, please reach out first so I can get a feel for your client and so we can see if we are compatible for collaboration. Let’s connect and we can get a call scheduled. Potential clients should ask their therapist to reach out. Also, there are additional resources for clinicians/therapists here.

I’m a therapist new to surrogate partner therapy. Can I collaborate with you on a case?

Yes! I often work with clinicians who are new to SPT. First, I strongly encourage clinicians to take the online course Working with Surrogate Partner in the Triadic Model with Andrew Heartman at Surrogate Partner Collective. For more information about SPT as a new to SPT clinician, see my new resource page.

Who do you work with?

I work with all genders. Everyone is welcome.

I tend to also draw clients who are diagnosed or undiagnosed with ASD or anywhere on the spicy spectrum of neurodiversity, likely because I live there too.

Are you looking to connect deeper with yourself and others? I can meet you where you are.

How much will it cost?

All of my sessions run $170/hour unless our clothes need to come off. Then the rate increases considerably. Good news! Most clients don’t need to move beyond the standard sessions. We can discuss in our intake where you might fall and what the options are. I also offer intensive weekends. Please inquire for more information. Please note that I do offer a few sliding scale sessions in my schedule. If cost is an issue, please still reach out.

Will insurance pay for this?

No. Insurance will not cover this type of work. Your insurance may cover your talk therapist though.

What if I’ve worked with another surrogate before?

Great question! While it’s not an “issue”, sometimes it can skew expectations. Working with another surrogate doesn’t mean the work will move faster or steps can be skipped. We are still building a relationship with each other and that takes time and we have ways, as surrogates, that we build mutual trust and safety.

What if I just want cuddling?

Looking for a cuddling session? We can schedule that! You are invited to check out my profile at Cuddlist.com.

Does a session need to include touch?

No! Definitely not. While my background is in professional cuddling, touch is NEVER required. I meet my clients where they are.

Could this be available as exposure therapy?

Yes! With the support of a therapist guiding the work, this could be/has been the jumping-off point for exposure therapy.

Do you still offer Cuddle Parties?

I don’t have any plans to facilitate Cuddle Parties in the future. Join my mailing list to keep up to date though, in case that changes.

Where are you located?

I am based in San Diego, California. I see clients across Southern California. Are you outside that area? You are invited to add your information to this form. You are also invited to connect with me to discuss me coming to you or you coming to me.

Are you a Tantrica or Dakini?

I’ve had this question before and I generally answer, “Since I don’t really know what that is, my answer is no.” (I’m not connected to Tantra in any way.)

What are your thoughts on porn and/or sex addiction?

I have zero issues with porn use IF/WHEN it’s not affecting your engagement in partnered sex (if you WANT partnered sex) AND you don’t feel like it’s disrupting your life in other ways. That said, I always defer to the clinician on the case if there is one. I don’t believe in pathologizing porn use, or sexual choices, in general.

I don’t use the term “porn addiction” or “sex addiction”. The traditional sex addiction model is not sex-positive and I won’t align myself with that 12-step model. I use the terminology “Out of Control Sexual Behavior” as do many of my colleagues. Still, my statement above stands: I don’t pathologize. Do you want to make a change? Why? Is it for you or is it for societal norms? I want to support you in living a pleasure-filled, authentic life.

Do you have sexual contact with your clients?

As of 2024, I’m limiting my work to not include sexual contact with clients. This work is as much a tool for my clients as it is for me. As such, I’ve learned a lot about myself in this work and I’ve chosen to modify my boundaries accordingly.

Can you help me with my ED or PE issues?

My work is more foundational than directly addressing these types of issues. My work focuses on supporting clients in learning about building healthy relationships with themselves and others. While that can play a part in sexual disappointment or dysfunction, if you are interested in ED or PE coaching, check out my colleague Erica Leroye at Creative Release.